Forgiving What You Can't Forget

 

Forgiving What You Can't Forget

Text Psalm 34:15-22

¹⁵ The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
    and his ears are attentive to their cry;
¹⁶ but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to blot out their name from the earth.

¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
¹⁸ The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all;
²⁰ he protects all his bones,
    not one of them will be broken.

²¹ Evil will slay the wicked;
    the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
²² The Lord will rescue his servants;
    no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

Introduction: Today we will wrap up our forgiveness series, I want to speak on a difficult but incredibly important topic: Forgiving What You Can’t Forget. This is not an easy subject because it speaks to the deepest wounds of our hearts, the deepest hurt of our lives, perhaps the most sacred and darkest corner of our souls—those moments when we’ve been hurt by someone, and the pain lingers long after the event has passed.

-       Physical abused

-       Sexual abused

-       Emotional abused

-       Mental abused

-       Abandoned

-       Broken Relationship

-       etc….

We all have moments that are hidden in our lives where we've been wronged in many ways that are hard to forgive but remember it like yesterday. Although it was during our childhood, but the memory is clear as day.  Perhaps the hurt was so deep, the betrayal so personal, or the loss so significant and life altering that the memory seems almost impossible to let go of. But the question remains: How can we/I forgive what we can’t forget?

1. Acknowledging the Pain: Forgiveness is not about ignoring the pain or pretending it didn’t happen. It's not about sweeping the hurt under the rug or dismissing your feelings. God sees your hurt and He understands it deeply. In fact, He encourages us to bring our pain to Him. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

We need to first acknowledge the pain we feel. Whether it's betrayal by a friend, the wounds of a broken relationship, or the scars from a past injustice, Psalm 34:15, “The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry;” pretending it doesn’t hurt will not bring healing. Denying the wound keeps us trapped in a cycle of hurt and bitterness. But the beauty of the gospel is that we serve a God who can handle our emotions, our pain, and our struggles. We can bring all of our questions, all of our tears, and all of our anger to Him. Psalm 34:17, “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.”

2. The Call to Forgive: Jesus calls us to forgive—whether the offense is big or small. In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asks Jesus, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

At first glance, this may seem impossible. Seventy-seven times? That’s a lot of forgiveness! But Jesus is not saying we should forgive in a formulaic way, keeping track of every offense. Rather, He is teaching us that forgiveness should be a continual practice, not a one-time event. It’s about choosing, over and over again, to release the anger, resentment, and desire for vengeance.

Forgiveness doesn't mean the offense didn't matter or that we condone what was done to us. It means we are letting go of the right to get even and trusting that God will handle justice in His time. In Romans 12:19, Paul tells us, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord."

3. The Role of God's Grace in Forgiveness: When we struggle to forgive, it's helpful to remember how much we've been forgiven. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

It’s easy to forget how much God has forgiven us. But when we reflect on the depth of His grace toward us, it can inspire us to extend that same grace to others. Jesus’ forgiveness of our sins, at great cost to Himself, sets the standard for our forgiveness. In light of what He has done for us, forgiving others becomes not only possible, but necessary.

It’s important to remember that forgiveness is an act of grace. It’s not based on the other person’s deserving it, but on God's work in us. Forgiveness is a decision we make, empowered by God's love, to release someone from the debt they owe us.

4. Forgiveness Does Not Mean Forgetting: Here is the key point: Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. Often, when we think about forgiveness, we imagine that in order to truly forgive, we must completely forget the wrong that was done to us. But that is not what the Bible teaches.

Forgetting the hurt is often impossible, especially when it has deeply wounded our hearts. But forgiveness is about choosing not to allow the memory of the offense to control us or to keep us in bondage. Forgiveness is a way of saying, "Though I may never forget what you did, I choose to no longer hold it against you."

In Isaiah 43:25, God says, “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” This doesn’t mean God has a selective memory. It means that He chooses to no longer hold our sins against us. In the same way, when we forgive, we choose to let go of the anger and bitterness tied to that memory.

Forgiveness is not erasing the memory, but choosing to release its power over us. We may still remember the pain, but by God’s grace, it no longer defines us or controls our actions.

5. The Healing Power of Forgiveness: Finally, forgiveness is not just for the one who wronged us—it’s for us as well. Holding onto unforgiveness is like carrying around a heavy burden. It weighs us down, poisons our hearts, and keeps us stuck in the past. But when we choose to forgive, we are set free. Psalm 34:22, “The Lord will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.”

Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). The truth is that we have been forgiven by a loving God, and when we forgive others, we experience His freedom and peace. It's in the act of forgiveness that we find healing—not just for the one who has wronged us, but for our own hearts.

Conclusion: So, how do we forgive what we can’t forget?

-       We begin by acknowledging the pain.

-       We trust God’s call to forgive, remembering the grace He has extended to us.

-       We choose to release the other person from the debt they owe us, knowing that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, but choosing to no longer hold the offense against them.

-       And, most importantly, we allow God’s healing power to transform our hearts and minds as we walk in forgiveness.

Let us pray.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, we come before You today with our pain and our hurt. You know the depths of our wounds, and You understand the struggle of forgiving those who have wronged us. Lord, help us to release the bitterness and anger in our hearts. Teach us to forgive as You have forgiven us, and help us to find healing in the process. We trust You to bring justice where it is needed, and we ask for Your strength to live in the freedom of forgiveness. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

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Call to Action: If you are holding onto unforgiveness today, I invite you to bring it before God. It may take time, and it may be difficult, but know that God’s grace is sufficient for you. Choose to forgive, not for the other person’s sake, but for your own peace and healing.